Well, What Are You Looking For?

I think one of life's greatest mysteries are the connections that we create with other people, voluntarily or involuntarily. 

One of my favorite things about being human is having the capability to feel, and to manifest these emotions in our actions and our need for other people, or our need to fill the void. 

There is so much out there that we do not know. Why are we living these lives trying to fulfill a purpose that we don't yet understand It's almost insane to even attempt to do so. But that's the thing. Life is just fucking crazy. 

I think more people should definitely try and get out of their box once in a while. Too many individuals don't try and make something mental, they are afraid of the self exploration, they fear some of the greatest pleasures in life and wish to continue living in their own cycle. I think that is what will change with the coming generations. Thank to the technology in the world, there is so much knowledge right at our fingertips, and eventually that will lead to either our greatest success or our biggest demise. 

We have been given life. We exist. We don't know what's going to happen, or how it's going to happen, or if anything will happen at all, but what we can do is make every step that we take right now, worth something to us individually. 

So what do I do? What do you do? 

Humans, by nature I think are creatures of communication. We need others in order to survive, but we need to be in-control and independent in our lives first. If you're looking for something to fill the void, or if there is something that you feel like you're missing, or if the search for fulfillment haunts your every waking hour, then maybe theres something wrong and you should do some digging.

Some psychologist from an article I read once, said, "People need three basic skills to be happy: they need to feel independent, competent, and able to form and maintain relationships with others." But how do we get to these basic skills in the first place? 

I'm still trying to figure it out myself, but you know, I can give you my insight on the situation. 

Get Educated
I think this is the most important part of reaching optimum level of life satisfaction. There is so much information in the world, there is so much that has been offered, that can be offered, it's insane how much you can learn, and this knowledge will open up so many doors. It doesn't matter what you learn about, learn about everything, but it is important that you keep in mind the fact that, the more you know, the more you don't know. Learn about how the actions you make affect others, learn how to not be upset about the actions that you make, learn about yourself, learn about what will help you. You want to be independent? You don't know why your SO is upset with you? Why do people think you're weird? Why haven't you done anything meaningful with your life? Well, I can promise you, the more you search, the more you will discover, and along the way something will speak to you. I get it, it's hard. Hence the term, "ignorance is bliss" If you don't know anything, you don't have to do anything, you don't have to risk getting hurt, or making a difference, or anything of the sort, but why would you wan't to subject the only existence that you know to a monotonous routine full of unanswered questions?

Test Yourself
Now that you have all of this knowledge you've accumulated what are you gonna do?
Let's say you're in this deep dark hole. You're absolutely fucking miserable, it's like the whole world is against you and there is nothing that you feel like you can do to make a difference. Ok. So that's you. But what if I told you, you can do whatever you want to do.
Answer: apply it
Disclaimer; I doubt it'll be easy. You're trying to unlearn old habits and apply new ones because it is one thing to know everything about something, vs going out and actually doing it. Initially, it will be a tedious process, unless you're superhuman, you won't get it right the first time, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Anyone who has played sports, or an instrument, or math can tell you that practice makes perfect and that application is no different to your other parts of life. You will become resilient and when you find one day you've managed to do what you've been preparing yourself to do, it will be such a rewarding moment, that you'll want to cling to it and do it all over again. 

Find the Right Support
This is where your foundation for educating yourself will come in handy. That is the joy of living. So now you've mustered up the strength to find some shit out for yourself, now you're educated, you've made a change, you want to continue your growth since the ball rolling. So you need to make sure that you can keep it rolling, even when you feel like falling all over again. Now this is important: friends are important. I'm not just talking any friends, good, really fucking good, understands you to a T, doesn't undermine you, and only wants the best for you, type of friend are the only thing that is going to help you get out of this hole. These friends are going to help you push the ball when you feel like giving up, but ONLY once you've proven that you can push the ball in the first place your friends are there to tell you that you can keep going, will give you the validation that you need to continue. 

*Insert Click-Bait Title About Love and Other Shit Here*

What even is love?

Great complex question, right? 

Some people go their entire lives searching for it, others fear it and the repercussions of it; you can love your dog, a stuffed animal, your family, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your best friend. You can love painting, writing, dancing, photography, walking, running, crying, laughing, marching, swimming, decorating, or even sleeping. The list is ongoing and endless, yet lacking in explanation.

If you ask this question to anyone, you will receive a multitude of answers because no one really knows. Sure, scientifically, love is categorized as a chemical reaction in the Limbic System of your cranium, which is called the amygdala and it is responsible for the response and memory of emotions, but how much weight does science really hold on the true experience of each individual and their take on love? I'm not saying that science doesn't have an answer for you, but is this the answer that we should all accept when love is so much more complex than the release of energy and chemicals? We're talking about the brain here - the brain is prone to making mistakes, filling in the blanks, and continuously creating something out of nothing. We are infinitely complex, as is the world around us, so are we supposed to just settle for the simplicity of serotonin in our minds that reach receptors to receive this chemical? There are so many different layers to explore that it's a wonder we even love at all. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows seem to create a deep chasm in ourselves that we yearn to fill, may it be because of the societal standard for a never ending hole, or because of human nature, how are we supposed to understand all of that?

Do we decide to love or is it a genuine game of chance and irrationality? Why does it matter so much? Why are we so obsessed with finding it, keeping it, or even running from it? 

There are people out there who spend entire lifetimes searching for the right kind of love, but also this love is subjective to them. Is it because of familiarity or a yearning need to find something so opposite of what we know? Maybe it's just our mental wiring of having to reproduce. Does it matter who we're trying to reproduce with? It has to, because if it didn't, the feeling of love wouldn't feel so good, or even so bad for that matter. It must be the body saying something... right? 

Again, according to science, there are 3 different stages of love: Lust, Attraction, and Attachment. 

  • Lust = testosterone and estrogen to attract one another for sex
  • Attraction =  the release of Adrenaline, Dopamine, Serotonin and other chemicals to induce strong feelings of partnership that build into Attachment
  • Attachment = the consistent release of the chemicals Oxytocin and Vasopressin to solidify the bond between two people.

These are all things that our bodies are doing out of reaction. The biological chemistry within ourselves is so sensitive to the way that we respond to our life experiences that we as people are victim to a frenzied state of mind dictated by nature.  

Still, that can't just be it.   

But then what is it? 

When you find yourself searching for something that can answer your questions the feeling can be futile and the journey ominous of sorts. As humans, we like to dictate our own lives and others to fit a belief system that we have instilled within ourselves to make sense of the fact that we even exist. With or without purpose is subjective, but it is too difficult for any of us to wrap our heads around that fact without going absolutely insane. So we categorize, we label, we try to put everything into neat little packages that makes sense to us and live by it, and love just happens to be one of those things that we have created to pass the time that we have here, in order to feel something other than nothing.